What made you stop being an addict?

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

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Just keep trying

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

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There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

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I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

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I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

This was February 2019.

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Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

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But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

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Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

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I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

Do you have any attributes quirks sensitivities abilities etc that you've come to learn most people don't experience? E.g. dream with subtext or experience de ja vu regularly or know you experience life very differently from those around you etc?

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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I did it in my administrator's office.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

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I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

Read that again ☝️

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

And I can also talk to them now.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.